“Presto, you’re bald.” Classic Bully-lines!

A bully in the movies is almost as common as a hero. And what goes better with a bully, than a dumb-ass line? Pretty much nothing. And it’s those weird lines they give that makes them memorable. I’m here today to give you a few of my favorites.

Presto you're bald

And as the title says, we start off with Sergeant Botnick (played by Andrew Robinson) from Child’s Play 3. He was the school-barber and everytime he gave someone a hair-cut, he’d say “Presto, you’re bald.“, even if they (and they never were) were bald. He was just a weird dude, walking around in the mess hall, grabbing students by the hair telling time a time to come see him. Pretty creepy. And of course, to top it all off… He gets his hands on Chucky, mumbling something about the dolls hair not being regulation. And I’m guessing that Chucky likes his hair the way it is, because what’ya know, he slices Botnick’s throat with a straight razor.

BuzzNext up we have Buzz (Devin Ratray), the older brother from the first two Home Alone-movies. This guy is constantly making Kevin’s life a living hell and as a younger brother myself, I give praises to my older brother today, for not being a jerk like Buzz when we were growing up. But the ‘Jerkiness’ of Buzz isn’t what made him memorable, it’s the air-head facial expressions and the fact that half of the thing he said just sounded stupid, like “See that garbage can full of salt? That’s where he keeps his victims. The salt turns the bodies… into mummies.”  or “Say isn’t it true that French babes don’t shave their pits?” He does, however, vindicate himself in the end, showing us that he too, actually missed his lil’brother.

Chet DonnellyNext up, we have yet another big brother to look up to. Yeah, I’m talking about Chet Donnelly, the big brother-bully from Weird Science. This is one of the greatest performances ever given (not counting Aliens or Club Dread) by Bill Paxton, I think. The stuck-up, ass-kissing, mama’s boy-attitude with a military sense of ‘I’m the boss, you’re the slave’-syndrome is one of the great things that makes this movie a classic (Kelly LeBrock being another Huge part) and it’s definitely what made me buy it. Chet delivers a whole lot of Now classic lines, like “I’m gonna tell Mom and Dad everything. I’m even considering makin’ up some shit!” and “How ’bout a nice greasy pork sandwich served in a dirty ashtray?” alongside other classics, like “It’s time to pay the fiddler…” and “You two donkey-dicks couldn’t get laid in a morgue.“. It’s hysterical to watch Bill deliver these lines, all with a crooked cringe on his lips and a laugh I can’t seem to think he ‘stole’ from Eddie Murphy.

As they say, “Good things comes in three’s” so I think that’s all I have for you this ‘morning’, but I’ll most certainly be back later on with yet another Slaptastic post about something either Craptastic or Fantastic… but until then, please stand up to your local bullies, show them they don’t matter, unless they’re in a movie!


About hanktango

This is not a serious movie review-blog. I do not review movies in a fashion that certified critics would. I think about stuff when I watch movies, and then write about those thoughts I had during the movie. I sometimes also think about other stuff related to movies, like castings, sequels and a whole bunch of other stuff. Sometimes, I even think about video games and then write about that. The only thing that's really specific to my writing, is that I write to you in the same way I would talk to you about all this stuff. So please, enjoy my writings, and if you were to get offended by anything, I would suggest you unravel that bunched up pantyhose you have stuck up your butt and stop being so sensitive, because honestly... that's Your problem, not anyone elses. Thank you! View all posts by hanktango

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