Apollo 18

2013 Horror-a-thon banner

Apollo 18 posterSo, it’s that time again and this time we’re taking a loot at the movie Apollo 18. The film was written and directed by Bryan Miller and Gonzalo López-Gallego respectively and stars Warren Christie and  Lloyd Owen as two astronauts sent on a classified mission to the moon on the Apollo 18-space shuttle. With an Average-rating of 3.8 on Rotten Tomatoes and a 5.2-score on IMDB, it’s safe to say that it didn’t achieve any awards among the fans and with it, the consensus “A boring, suspense-free Paranormal Activity rip-off that feels long even at just 90 minutes.”, and I’m enclined to agree. But please, let me at least tell you why, before you move on….

FIrst off, I’m not really a fan of the “found footage” type of films in the first place. I think it’s an unnecessary waste of time and money for the studios to make these types of movies, because they always fails to deliver what it builds up before its release. But what I had hoped was a phase that was started by The Blair Witch Project back in -99, was destined to stay… much to my displeasure. Apollo 18 crewAnyway, the movie follows these astronauts that are sent on a mission to the moon, where they are supposed to set up some sort of surveillance-system (which right off the bat suggests that the government knows exactly what’s up there) and stuff’s starting to go wrong. The first 30 minutes or so are boring as all hell and when you combine that boring-factor with the lousy quality that it “found footage” film, you get something even more boring. It’s, what’s the word I’m looking for….. abysmal, that’s it. It’s abysmal! But space-movies tend to be a bit boring and outdrawn at first, only to climax into a great experience later on but I’m sad to say that the movie did not improve at all. When the end-credits started to roll I was relieved. I thought to myself “Finally!” and that don’t happen very often to me.

Cosmonaut scare

Usually, these types of films AT LEAST manages to give you a few scares, a twitch here and there, but not even that could it deliver. Well, if I have to be completely honest, there was this one time I felt a slight twitch. I knew that something was coming, but I didn’t know what… and that’s when one of the astronauts stumble upon a dead cosmonaut (you know, a Russian astronaut). It happened in a flash of light and BAM! it was gone, and the effect of the “scare” passed on just as fast the scene itself.  So in conclusion, this movie is so bad, that it deserves a completely new category… Apollo 18, is one for The Dump! (The Dump is now the place where you will find any and all films I find a complete lack of interest and will Never watch again!)

In fact, this movie is so bad that I’m gonna do you a solid… I’m going to post the trailer for the movie, so you can watch that instead of the movie, thus saving yourself a lot of trouble AND still have 90 or so minutes not wasted.

Now, I’m actually going to watch something that have Nothing to do with horror… for once…. and enjoy the rest of my evening like a boss. The movie; Rock of Ages !! I’ll be back tomorrow with another addition to the 2013 Horror-a-thon and it’s a toss-up between the cult-phenomenon Children of The Corn and Mother’s Day, so…. exciting!

But until then… don’t watch the crapfest that is Apollo 18, just watch the trailer and be done with it!


About hanktango

This is not a serious movie review-blog. I do not review movies in a fashion that certified critics would. I think about stuff when I watch movies, and then write about those thoughts I had during the movie. I sometimes also think about other stuff related to movies, like castings, sequels and a whole bunch of other stuff. Sometimes, I even think about video games and then write about that. The only thing that's really specific to my writing, is that I write to you in the same way I would talk to you about all this stuff. So please, enjoy my writings, and if you were to get offended by anything, I would suggest you unravel that bunched up pantyhose you have stuck up your butt and stop being so sensitive, because honestly... that's Your problem, not anyone elses. Thank you! View all posts by hanktango

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