Chernobyl Diaries

2013 Horror-a-thon banner

Chernobyl Diaries bannerHere we are, with yet another installment. This one will be a short one though, not because I’m pressed for time (which I also kinda am), but because the movie Chernobyl Diaries doesn’t deserve anything else. The movie stars Jesse McCartney (Chris), Olivia Taylor Dudley (Natalie), Devin Kelley (Amanda), Jonathan Sadowski (Paul), Dimitri Diatchenko (Uri), Ingrid Bolsø Berdal (Zoe) and Nathan Phillips (Michael). It was written by Shane Van Dyke, Carey Van Dyke and Oren Peli and directed by Bradley Parker. It stands on a shaky legs with a 4 point Average-rating on Rotten and a 5 on IMDB and those ratings seem to be quite fitting. If you watch Without expectations, you’ll probably won’t be as disappointed as if you had some expectations, but it doesn’t fulfill your horror movie-needs at all.

Chernobyl Bear attackSo the movie then. A group of friends (Chris, Natalie & Amanda) travels to Kiev to visit Chris’ brother Paul. After some convincing, Paul and the “gang”, along with a backpacking couple (Zoe & Michael), goes on what they call Extreme-tour to Pripyat (the abandoned town just outside of Chernobyl) with “Extreme tour-guide” Uri, an ex-special forces military dude. Needless to say, things happen, the group gets scattered, killed off one by one, nothing special. The best way to explain this movie was done by my favorite movie-reviewer of all time, Jeremy Jahns, and he did it in one sentence; “The hillskys Have Eyesovitch.” Yeah, it’s that simple. A bunch of radiation-freaks rampage the abandoned town etc. Nothing new, nothing spectacular. The only time I ever even flinched during this movie was when they were “attacked” by a bear.

One thing that bothered me about this movie is the camera-work. It looks almost as if there was another person with them, documenting everything on film but at no point did they acknowledge that, so It’s just a way to make the movie feel more scary or creepy or whatever, and it doesn’t even do that… it’s just annoying and at times, even nauseating.

So, in short. this movie is headed straight for The Dump. And this one was so bad, I’m not even gonna give you the trailer for it. Yeah, that’s how much it sucked. I don’t even want you to watch the trailer… think about that, let that sink in!

So there you go, as promised, another installment posted before I’m off into a drunken Halloween-haze! I’ll be back at it again tomorrow, though, with a “fresh” take on The Apparition. But until then…. STAY AWAY from Chernobyl. Not just reactor 4 and Pripyat in general, but the movie as well!

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About hanktango

This is not a serious movie review-blog. I do not review movies in a fashion that certified critics would. I think about stuff when I watch movies, and then write about those thoughts I had during the movie. I sometimes also think about other stuff related to movies, like castings, sequels and a whole bunch of other stuff. Sometimes, I even think about video games and then write about that. The only thing that's really specific to my writing, is that I write to you in the same way I would talk to you about all this stuff. So please, enjoy my writings, and if you were to get offended by anything, I would suggest you unravel that bunched up pantyhose you have stuck up your butt and stop being so sensitive, because honestly... that's Your problem, not anyone elses. Thank you! View all posts by hanktango

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