So it’s finally here, New Years eve, the end of another year. And what a year it has been, huh, movie-wise? It’s had its ups and downs, yeah, but I’d say it had mostly ups… at least for me. BUT, as anyone with any shred of decency in him (or her), I have to give you at the very least a short summary of what I liked and disliked about it. And with that in mind, I thought I’d wrap 2013 up with two Top 5’s. One ‘Rejected’ and one ‘Satisfaction Guaranteed’.. but keep in mind though, that the ones in the rejected-list isn’t just movies I disliked, but also movies that disappointed me in some ways. These lists will feature five films each, in no particular order, just five movies in each category, keeping it simple yet interesting. But hey, let’s just get to it real quick, I do have a party to go to later on….
I think it’s no more than fair to start off with the ‘Rejected’-portion of today, and first up on that list is After Earth. Sure, I would be the last person on earth to ‘hate’ on something that has Will Smith in it, but I can’t really sit here and lie about it. The movie sucked balls. Even though Will did a fantastic job with what he had (he always does), it just wasn’t enough for me. I went in to this film with a lot of objections from friends and critics, with them saying that it was a Jaden Smith-showcase only, but because it also had Will in it, I gave it a fair chance. Afterwards, well…. let’s just say that I will probably not be doing such a thing again. So, please Will, stop shoving your son down our throats. He was good in Kung Fu Kid (yeah, ’cause that’s what it really was) but NOT in this one! Will was great, though and I’m anxious to see his next projects.
Secondly, we have Man of Steel. Yes, this one ended up in the ‘Rejected’ files. But this is also one of those movies that delivered a lot of mixed bags. Unfortunately, the negatives were overpowering toward the positives. Yes, Cavill was a GREAT Superman and Yes, Adams was a fantasstic Lois Lane, but the fact of the matter is, the movie as a whole was nothing in comparison to (what I like to call) the original Superman with Christopher Reeve and Margot Kidder. The music was good, but I wouldn’t be able to pick it out of a cluster of songs like the Reeve-tunes. The fortress of Solitude was non-existent. The over-the-top action sequences was to overwhelming and Zod’s kryptonians felt like the lovechild of Chronicles of Riddick’s Necromongers and a bad videogame, among others. No, this film had to many disappointments to place in the ‘Satisfied’ category.
Next up, we have Pain & Gain. This is what I would like to call ‘A cluster-fuck of wrongs!’. Sure, Johnson, Harris, Wahlberg and Mackie all did great in the film, but the film itself.. naah. I’m so confused about how in the Hell Michael Bay could justify taking something so serious like the events this film was based on and turning it into a comedy? At least, that’s what they’re calling it, but I didn’t laugh. I just sat there with a smirk on my face, wondering what the hell was going on the entire time. Being a fitness-fan myself, my hype for this movie was immense, but when I saw it, it managed to give the fire tht is my hate toward Bay enough oxygen to last a lifetime and more. My only hope for Bay after this, is that he don’t fuck up the TMNT-reboot like he did the Transformers. One thing about this film, though, that I really did like… Dwayne Johnson. That dude has become one hell of an actor and if you say anything else, you’re weird!
Percy Jackson: Sea of Monsters is next on this list, and for so many reasons. When I first saw ..The Lightning Thief, I was blown way. I’ve always loved everything about Greek mythology so whenever Hollywood do something in that field, I’m stoked, so of course I had my hopes up for this sequel. But was I pleased? No, I was not. Not only did they bring back the original bad guy (which I think is unnecessary most of the time) but they lost the charm from the first one and recast one of my favorite characters from the first film as well. Just a few things that bothered me, thus lowering this movie’s value greatly. This franchise could easily become a trilogy, but this is also one of the times when I say that enough is enough. Stop when you can at least see the top, ’cause this one is beyond saving at this point. The only good thing I can mention about this movie is Alexandra Daddario, and that’s only because she’s hot!
Lastly we have The World’s End, another installment of the Simon Pegg/Nick Frost-universe. Watching the trailer for this one, I was hyped. The two work perfectly together and have yet to disappoint, but now they have. It didn’t have any of the charm we’ve come to love from movies like Paul or Hot Fuzz and they both show a decrease in the talent they’ve both shown us they have in movies like A Fantastic Fear of Everything and The Boat That Rocked respectively. And that whole aliens-taking-over part of the plot felt unfinished and messy, and not to forget… completely horrible. Something was just missing from it all and in my book, the only positive thing I could think of (at this moment) was Martin Freeman. No, this is one movie that definitely won’t find itself a place on my shelf!
Well, that takes care of the ‘Rejected’ portion of this years last post. What’ya say we move right on ahead to the ‘Satisfaction’ portion? Alrighty then, here we go….
Starting everything positive off, is none other than Hobbit: The Desolation of Smaug. At first, I as so many others, was confused on how the hell they would be able to make this ONE book into three movies. But now, after watching the 2nd installment, I can only say ‘Bravo!’. Peter Jackson has yet to disappoint and I have a feeling that the fantastic events of ..Smaug sets up one fantastic conclusion to the trilogy. There’s really nothing negative I can say about this movie, except for the ‘High Frame Rate’. Don’t get me wrong, it was awesome to see, but combined with the 3D, it made my eyes hurt a bit toward the end. But that’s nothing that bothered me that much, because I have to say…. If my ears were gay, they’d be in love with Benedict Cumberbatch. Oh my god, was that an experience I was Not prepared for!! We also got to see Legolas again, and he was just as badass as always, even though Orlando himself seemed to look more manly than the last time . Aaaand…. Evangeline Lilly was fantastic. Mostly though, because she’s so incredibly gorgeous! All and all, one fantastic movie, which I will definitely watch again Soon!
Coming in second on this list, is the feature directorial-debut of Joseph Gordon-Levitt, Don Jon. The man is a genius, if you ask me and I believe that he will do great things in Hollywood. In fact, I think he already have. Don Jon is a well-written, well-directed and well-acted masterpiece of groundbreaking Rom-/Com- and I dare anyone to say different. The way he incorporates the usual bags of tricks into a deep-spun fetish for porn, the portrayal of the main character of Jon is a beauty to watch and an all-through great experience. Another thing about this movie is that I had no idea that Scarlett Johansson could be such a b*tch? What an amazingly talented actress she is. The range from the innocence she had in Lost in Translation to the bitch she was here is almost outer-wordly. Oh, and that ass… whoohweeeh!! That’s an ass worthy of 3D, I’d tell’ya!
Next up on the list is the action-bonanza Furious 6. Yes, that is the official title, going on the the same tracks as its predecessor Fast 5. This movie gives us everything we loved from Fast 5 and a few things from the original The Fast and The Furious, mixed it all together with some Rome from 2 Fast and a whole lot more of the monolith that is Dwayne ‘The Rock‘ Johnson (I just love that guy), making it one hell of an action-thriving thrill ride. From the first scene to the last, I didn’t loose focus once, it had me hooked and afterward, I couldn’t wait for my next opportunity to go see it. Balls to the wall-action at its finest. I just hope they wrap up the Brian O’Conner-character with respect toward the now late Paul Walker (may you ride in peace, brother) for the 7th installment. Oh, and we got us some Letty again. Oh man, that Michelle is one FINE actress! The girl-on-girl fight scene was pretty damn badass too, I have to say!
Coming up next on this list, is This Is The End. This film has some of my favorite com-actors like Craig Robinson, Danny McBride, James Franco and Jay Baruchel among others, portraying themselves. If any of them actually is like they portrayed in the film, I don’t know, but if they were… man, I’d like to join that crew some time, ’cause they all funny as shit! Sure, the best part of the movie was the coked out Michael Cera and shortly after that, Emma Watson swinging a fire-axe, but to see all of these actors handling what obviously seems to be the end of the world… it’s hilarious from the get-go, ball-shaving, nut-cracking, wise-spitting comedy as it should be. And the Pineapple Express 2-segment was probably the funniest thing I’ve seen in years. In short, if you want to laugh, you should really watch this movie… it’s frikkin Hi-larious!
And last, but not at all least, we have arrived at the greatest film of the year. Yeah, I’m talking about Thor: The Dark World baby! Ever since the Avengers-movie, I’ve wanted to see Thor in action alone, and everything building up to this sequel (Eccleston being cast as Malekith for example) had my hype at an all-time High for any movie Ever! And more often than not when the hype for something is big, you’ll be disappointed at the end result, but not this time. I went in to this almost as a little kid diving in to its christmas presents, all jitty and giggling, and when the movie was “finally” over, I was a changed man. Yeah, that’s right. Not a single damn thing about it was a negative. Not even Kat Dennings. It had me laughing, clenching my jaw, tearing up… it had everything and more. It had been showing for at least a month before I saw it and it didn’t take long for me to see it one more time before they stopped showing it, and now, I’m anxiously awaiting its DVD-/Blu-ray release!
And there you have it, my last post of the year. I hope you’ve enjoyed it, and I hope you’ve enjoyed my postage here on Tango’s Thoughts over this last year, and I’m definitely hoping to see you again next year! We’ll be starting 2014 up with some expectations and anticipations for what’s to come, so be sure to drop by my Facebook-page; http://www.facebook.com/TangoWithJack and give it a ‘Like’ so you won’t miss anything!
Let me just end things with a quote….
“Each age has deemed the new-born year
The fittest time for festal cheer.”
― Walter Scott