TMNT – They keep dropping the ball….

Okay, so you all know how I feel about Michael Bay already so there’s no need for me to go into that again, but I feel like I have to say something about his upcoming TMNT-reboot, get my thoughts out there before I implode.

TMNT Banner

When they first announced the reboot of the franchise, I was ecstatic to say the least. Later, when they told us that the Turtles would be alien, I thought out loud that it was the dumbest thing I’ve ever heard. What could possibly make this movie any worse? Well, they managed to cut it down by its knees yet again, by casting not only Megan Fox as April O’Neil, but a African-American female as a Caucasian male’s character (yes, I’m talking about Whoopi Goldberg as Bern Thompson), but that’s not all… they told us that Oroku Saki, a.k.a The Shredder, would be a white guy as well, named Eric Sachs… What the hell, man?! Don’t get me wrong, I have nothing against Fichtner or Goldberg, but not for these parts. I’d much rather see someone like John Travola as Bern and someone Japanese as The Shredder. As for the part of April O’Neil, I say fire ‘Samiches’ and re-shoot all of her scenes with Olivia Thirlby instead, ’cause she’s clearly the better choice…. for anything.

Bern April Whoopi MeganAnyway, done is done and there’s nothing more we can do about it (except rant and complain for years and years to come). Not much is looking up for the film so far, and when we got our first trailer and our first looks on the Turtles themselves, we we’re given at least a smidgen of hope. The Turtles were now just that, turtles, with a slight mutated form, of course, with a hint of ‘Samoan butch lesbians’ about’em. But it looked good (no, not as good as it could, but okay) and I didn’t think much more about it. It finally looked like it could actually be something even I as a true TMNT-fan could enjoy… but lo and behold, they had to screw that up again, with a Special Forces-type Foot clan….. and in the latest trailer… a MECHA-Shredder? I say again, What the hell, man?!
Foot Soldiers ShredderSure, we’re given a hint of some dude in the shadows who supposedly would turn out to be the real Shredder (hopefully, he’s Japanese as well but it’ll probably just turn out to be April’s long lost father or something to that fashion) but the armor looks like some cross-breed of Transformers and everything I have in my utensils-drawer in the kitchen. No, I am not in the slightest amused. In fact, I’m even more sure about my ‘Assassination of Michael Bay’ screenplay being a hit than ever before. The dude should not be allowed to make films from existing source material, because he just … pardon my french… Fucks everything up!

Well… I think I’ve given enough of my thoughts on the subject for now, but please let me know if you have anything to say about it, I’m dying to know what you think. So, as always, more goodies coming soon, but until then…..


About hanktango

This is not a serious movie review-blog. I do not review movies in a fashion that certified critics would. I think about stuff when I watch movies, and then write about those thoughts I had during the movie. I sometimes also think about other stuff related to movies, like castings, sequels and a whole bunch of other stuff. Sometimes, I even think about video games and then write about that. The only thing that's really specific to my writing, is that I write to you in the same way I would talk to you about all this stuff. So please, enjoy my writings, and if you were to get offended by anything, I would suggest you unravel that bunched up pantyhose you have stuck up your butt and stop being so sensitive, because honestly... that's Your problem, not anyone elses. Thank you! View all posts by hanktango

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