#TopFive – Chris Rock’s personal ‘Uprize’- review

You know, sometimes you say that you’ll do something that, after you do it, you really regret. I told you all on Twitter that I was gonna watch Top Five tonight, and I did, and I regret it. Let me tell you why…
Top Five banner

When Andre Allen (Chris Rock) a “down on his luck” comedian/actor is trying to promote his latest film Uprize, the world can’t seem to grasp that he’s doing something serious instead of some lame “Hammy the bear” sequel (yeah, Hammy is a bear And a cop…. yeah!) and all the while, he’s preparing to get married to Erica Long (Gabrielle Union), a “reality TV” star who’s hell bent on “staying” famous as well as trying to give a serious interview to Chelsea Brown (Rosario Dawson), a journalist with a (not at all interesting) hidden agenda. The movie he’s trying to promote, Uprize, isn’t doing so well and he lashes out at a liquor store over some ridiculous “Hammy the Beer” bullshit…

Why I say in the title here, that this is Chris Rock’s personal Uprize, is because I can’t for the life of me see this movie doing good at the box office. Top Five is without a doubt a snooze fest and you know it to be so when the funniest thing in the movie is Jerry Seinfeld (as Jerry Seinfeld) making it rain in a strip club. Yeah, and also, Adam Sandler (as Adam Sandler) is giving Andre advice about married life (“Be good, don’t cheat. And if you do, don’t admit it.”)…
No, this movie is not even getting a Denied-stamp, it’s actually going straight to The Dump, along with most of the shitty movies I’ve ever watched and probably never will see ever again.

So there you have it, my one regret for today. But be sure to tune in later on for more goodies to read while on the toilet with your tab, but until then…..


About hanktango

This is not a serious movie review-blog. I do not review movies in a fashion that certified critics would. I think about stuff when I watch movies, and then write about those thoughts I had during the movie. I sometimes also think about other stuff related to movies, like castings, sequels and a whole bunch of other stuff. Sometimes, I even think about video games and then write about that. The only thing that's really specific to my writing, is that I write to you in the same way I would talk to you about all this stuff. So please, enjoy my writings, and if you were to get offended by anything, I would suggest you unravel that bunched up pantyhose you have stuck up your butt and stop being so sensitive, because honestly... that's Your problem, not anyone elses. Thank you! View all posts by hanktango

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